Timepiece a better working environment than Forum library, Guild survey reveals

A university-wide Guild survey this week revealed the almost unanimous belief that Wednesday night Timepiece provides a better work environment than the Forum library.

With questions on volume, hygge factor, and the ratio of fresh with seats to finalists with seats, the survey pulled no punches, and saw everybody’s favourite study hub come out on top.

Competition for top spot was fierce, with some hotspots such as Amory Hub were dubbed ‘too intense’ and others, such as Washington Singer and Plymouth Uni were branded ‘eerily quiet’ and ‘actually detrimental to participants’ IQ’. TP, it would seem, has managed to hit the sweet spot.

In an exclusive interview with The Whip, Timepiece general manager Jennifer Carlton had the following to say: “It’s pretty simple really… students need a seat, a desk, and a gentle oscillation between ambient deep house and blasts of Sicko Mode.”

“Also, any first years who have a stab at getting in are automatically turned away,” Jennifer continued: “We heard some chat about first year not counting, and we thought we could do without that sort of patronage – if they want a night to forget there’s Fever or Move, but we’re all about community support and adequate study space here at TP.”

Michael Okore, second-year and staunch advocate of a TP study-sesh, waxed lyrical about its surprising advantages: “Who’d have thought that the library would actually be filled with more loud, obnoxious arseholes than sports night? I mean, it’s close, but I’d rather be somewhere I can get a pint to take the edge off.”

A simple formula, one might argue, and yet one which, for all its political radicalism, race and class diversity, and disinterest in pumping its students for money, the University has yet to get a handle on.