A spokesperson for the University of Bristol announced yesterday through gritted teeth that All Modern Foreign Language courses will have to be taught in English after the UK’s departure from the European Union.
The news will come as a shock to many MFL students, who expected their education to go on as normal after the Brexit transition is completed.
“It’s disgraceful. I’m heartbroken. I’ll never be able to boast about being bilingual at house parties again” cried one second year angrily.
“I’m shocked” remarked another teary undergraduate. “I haven’t felt like my dream to be fluent in a foreign language is unachievable since I almost missed my A level grades. This feels like Déjà vu”. He dabbed his eyes with a tissue “That might be the last time I say that word.”
Living, breathing bag of hot air Piers Morgan was also keen to comment on the issue:
“First they wanted free tuition, then they wanted us to go vegan, and now they want to learn foreign languages with a vocabulary imported from the European Union. It’s honestly pathetic. Support British Language, British words, man up and get on with it.”
Back in Bristol, university staff are reportedly unsure of how to react to the forecasted linguistic adjustment. “Whether it’ll be possible to teach modern foreign languages as we know it is unclear. But that’s the least of our worries” commented German Professor Margaret Grendel. “We’ve heard rumours the government is currently fighting to have use of the Latin alphabet at all. This could affect all university courses.”
She continued “Because France, Spain and several other EU nations claim the alphabet as their own, and we’re leaving the European free trade area, there’s talks of increased tariffs on cargo lorries containing consonants coming into Dover. Stephen Barclay said last week we’re already stockpiling vowels in preparation for March. Who knows how many words we’ll have in a few months’ time? Not enough to fill a course pack, that’s for sure.”