‘But you clicked interested?’ cry thrift shop kilo sale, vegan street food festival and niche drum and bass night in unison

Several Bristol based event organisers were left shocked this week after thousands of students who clicked ‘interested’ on their Facebook event pages failed to show up to the corresponding planned festivities.

Kilo sales, street food festivals and drum and bass nights alike were left perplexed at why the initial positive social media reaction to their proceedings has not correlated to large attendances.

“I’m honestly puzzled” explained Doris Chamberlain, who runs a death metal yoga class in Hamilton House every Friday evening. “There were 450 people who were interested in my class on Facebook, yet only three people actually came. Why would they all say they were interested when they clearly weren’t?”

The Whip caught up with internet Psychologist Jan Grittenshall to get to the bottom of this unusual phenomenon:

“This is an out of control, collective case of what we call ‘online persona building’” explained the Stanford University Professor. ‘Bristol students have convinced themselves that by clicking ‘interested’ on hundreds of events, they will eventually come across as ‘interesting’ to their peers and colleagues at university. The negative fallout from this is unfortunately shouldered by the hosts of said events rather than the trigger happy attention seekers ignorantly clicking away.”

Even local education authorities have been effected by this cultural phenomenon. Colston Girls’ school is now reportedly in ‘dire financial straits’ after investing in an assembly hall extension to accommodate for the 12,000 strong crowd forecast to attend their year 9 parents evening.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg was requested to make a statement, which his press team released this morning:

‘Just as we have attempted to eradicate false news stories from our glorious website with our recent ‘report fake news’ option, Mr. Zuckerberg has personally pledged to kick-start plans to digitally destroy any Facebook profile that registers interest in an event that the owner of the profile does not attend. We’ll be able to tell if they attend the event due to your phone’s microphone opt-out privacy opt…due to your likes and dislikes.’

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