Novelty of halls wears off as fresher realises it’s dirty, depressing and full of strangers

A haunting realisation.

Freshers around Leeds are coming to the dawning realisation that Halls are not quite what they were cracked up to be. After a first semester of exciting novelties and freedoms that home life had not provided, a return to university digs has caused students to come to terms with the fact that this is their reality for the next five months.

One resident of Lupton, Alexandra Prude, reached out to The Whip to express some of her newfound concerns with halls life:

“Last term was great! New friends, new freedoms… I even enjoyed the cooking; but things started to go downhill after I realised that I was effectively living in a cesspit.” Alexandra explained, attempting to scrape off the contents of an entire tinned casserole from the inside of her microwave.

“It’s not just the mess, it’s fucking freezing in here. Outside it’s sub-zero and our feeble electric heater just about manages to stop our eyelashes freezing together in our sleep. I’m never not wearing leggings.

“I guess it would be fine if I actually liked the people I lived with, or even knew who they actually were. The glimpses I have of my flatmates are haunting – the cretins are terrifying. The only substance any of them have is in their drug habits: I’ve taken to hiding out in the library to avoid their bi-weekly Xanax rampages. It’s getting to the point where I have more intimate relationships with the silverfish have taken to one of my now broken plug sockets.”

Alexandra continued to explain how she couldn’t wait until she was finally in a house, which she was adamant would be kept clean, tidy and warm at all times.