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Lakota bouncers swear they can fit in as many people as Motion with ‘better packing strategy’

‘You simply fold them three times and stack appropriately.’

Despite Bristol’s popular music venue Motion being comprised of three fairly sizeable warehouse rooms, bouncers at Lakota have devised an innovate new strategy to rival the capacity of the riverside clubbing behemoth.

Whilst the vast majority of event promoters would never dream of overselling tickets, some students have found themselves uncomfortably squished whilst clubbing of late in Stokes Croft’s most iconic centre for boogieing.

Lakota’s security team are on a mission to find a solution. A crack team of bouncers have put their heads together with local packaging wizards to ensure greater efficiency of their crowding methods.

The Whip caught up with one of them to get his take on the new strategy:

“These cunning logisticians have informed us of the most productive way to utilise all the possible space in our venue. They’ve got the most inspiring folding ideas – it’s almost like origami” he explained. “With this level of packing ingenuity, we will rival Motion’s capacity and oversell our events to the max!”

He continued “There will be precision stacking, packing and folding plans introduced. Every sweaty, dosed up party-goer in the venue will be granted an inch-perfect amount of floor space and enough cubic centimetres of oxygen to survive the night.”

Some students have raised concerns that this is just a profit maximising scheme but Lakota has ensured that ‘efficient raving’ is set to become the future of UK nightlife.

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