the whip

Independent MPs return to Labour Party after hearing of angry student Facebook status

The Independent Group, officially launched after seven MPs left Labour on Monday, has disbanded after a Manchester student criticised them on her Facebook page.

Withington local Clare Curton has been forcing social change via Facebook for years now, but says this is her biggest win yet. It all started when Clare bought a Jeremy Corbyn tote bag.

“I realised that wearing my Corbynista merch around campus wasn’t going to actually create any useful change because everyone else had the same one, so I figured my only option was broadcasting my opinions to my 1,245 Facebook connections.

“None of these people have ever enquired about my thoughts on politics, expressed contradictory views, or really care about the news, so I thought it was time to inform the masses! Haha.

“As soon as I started typing I realised it was gonna be big. ‘Utterly unbeleivable [sic], these people put the left of this country to absolute shame. When will people learn that the only way to create meaningful change is via Jeremy Corbyn’s inherently innately social platforms’ is how I began.

“Pretty damning and harsh, right? I saw some of those words on an Owen Jones feature I read a while ago. It was very well written so I just thought I’d emulate his work, even though he’s a world-renowned columnist, Oxford graduate and social action campaigner and I’m a fan of Tame Impala, poorly fitting clothes and overpriced weed.

“With a few extra keyboard flourishes, searches on thesaurus.com for ‘society’ synonyms, and checking how to spell ‘Chuka Umunna’ I was ready to go. I knew they’d come crawling back, and flip do I feel vindicated!”

A trailblazer to the core, Clare takes to the online pulpit for a whole host of progressive campaigns, supporting a second Brexit referendum, ‘Not Your Mum, Not Your milk!’, and her own ‘The Price of Doc Martens is Too Blimmin’ High!’.