Club that never closed set to schedule 20,000 reopening parties


After a month of highly successful and well attended closing parties, Bristol’s first and only Alpine terrain-inspired venue have performed a historic U-turn, announcing via their social media that the club will in fact be staying open for the foreseeable future. Blue Mountain’s website also details plans for a conservative 20,000 closing parties to ‘publicise the club’s plans for continued existence’.

Following on from a February littered with events marking the end of the road for the nightlife hotspot, The owners of Stokes Croft’s second-favourite-shit-motion reportedly regained their faith in student punter’s desires to see tracksuit clad locals gently swaying from side to side.

The Whip spoke to Blue Mountain’s Chief executive yesterday to find out more:

“We’ve re-realised the incredibly vital role we play in the Bristol clubbing scene” he explained. “It’s unfair to expect local youth and students to go to Lakota every single weekend. Occasionally they need something a bit less intense, like a jump up Drum and Bass night that only has fourteen attendees all desperate to find out if you have a filter.”

He continued “we provide these young people with much needed respite from the dingy, dark and cramped clubbing conditions from round the corner by instead offering dingy, dark but significantly less cramped experiences in practically the same location. We play a role in this community. That’s why we’ve scheduled so many reopening events. We’re starting as we mean…I mean we’re continuing as we mean to go…continuing to have gone on. You get the picture.”

“Much like the government’s commitment to diesel free cars, we plan to officially reopen by 2040, which is when we’ll stop prefixing events pages on Facebook with [Reopening Party]. If we run 17 events a week for 21 years, we might even gain enough traction to close again.

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