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‘It’s not what I expected,’ says disappointed Nigel Farage on arrival at the White Hotel

Really?

Nigel Farage was left puzzled on his arrival for a last-minute reservation in Salford after the White Hotel failed to be provide the luxury racially-segregated lodgings he was hoping for.

The MEP spent Friday night on a mate’s sofa when the language mix-up meant the boutique whites-only hotel room he thought he had booked was in fact a ticket for an all-black Detroit techno DJ line up. The Whip reporters reached out to the former UKIP leader for comments concerning his ordeal.

“I saw a post on Fallowfield Student’s Group – I like to keep down with the kids – offering ‘Friday night White Hotel’. Just thirty pounds, and for a hotel where only white people can stay? I leapt at the opportunity. Awesome, I thought.

“Now, I’m not a racist, but an establishment that helps the white working-class get jobs is my kind of place. Immigrants usually take all those poorly paid, low security, zero-hour contract cleaning jobs, so it’s about time we took back what’s ours. They can go back to where they came from and get the same jobs there. Separate but equal, that’s what I always say.”

“But I was betrayed! As my black cab neared the location, I knew something was awry. Quickly my dreams of Mancunian Apartheid were shattered as I saw happy young people from all different cultures dancing, laughing and throwing up in the street.

“A poster showed black DJs from Detroit. ‘Thumping techno all night long’, as it was described. I almost decided to go in: the banging bassline of DJ Stingray reminded me of my boarding-school days at Dulwich when the boys would don colonial costumes and imitate African tribal song by hitting the walls. Good times.”

The Whip understands Farage took the first train home to Kent to get as far away from his brush with diversity as possible.

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