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3pm naps latest legal high to be banned by government

The iron fist of the law intervenes once more.

Afternoon naps are now the latest legal high to be targeted by the war on drugs.

10 Downing Street this week announced that the Psychoactive Substances Act of 2016 had been expanded to include ‘Any short-term sleep taking place between the hours of 15:00 and 17:00’.

A Government source confirmed that the expansion of the bill came thanks to campaigns from UK universities highlighting the dangers of casual afternoon slumber.

Nappers are often drawn to the scene by the glamorous promise of ‘power napping’ which users claim can enhance their productivity through a short term, 20 minute routine. However, some experts claim that ‘power naps’ are simply a ‘cheap, gateway doze’ which, if left untreated, can escalate into a full blown 3 hour ‘sleep bender’.

Nigel Rees-Mogg, Minister for Xenophobia, has blamed the UK’s rising Spanish student population for what he described as a ‘massive influx of siestas.’

We spoke with University of Bristol pastoral care worker Killian Joy about the new epidemic:

“We’ve never seen anything like this here at Bristol – students are no longer just napping at home, they’re snoozing up in libraries and lecture halls too.”

She continued “There have even been reports of cunning students drawing eyes onto their eyelids in order to appear awake during seminars. As of next month, all university librarians will be required to complete special training which will enable them to distinguish between googly eyes and fake ones.’

However, not everyone can agree on the best way to tackle the issue. Neuropsychopharmacologist David Butt had this to say:

“I have always been a huge advocate of the Portuguese model whereby all sleep is decriminalised, which refrains from persecuting addicts, and instead focuses on harm prevention. Plus I could really do with a snooze, I’ve been up since 6.”

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