Bristol UK

Plucky ASS hand dryer achieves personal best after cutting 37 awkward chats short in one day

The real MVP.

A cunning hand-dryer on the 2nd floor of the Arts and Social Sciences library has stunned unsuspecting students today after breaking a record remarkably unique to the hand-dryer community.

As it perched patiently on the wall, assessing each student’s hand cleanliness and conversational ineptness to gauge the perfect time to strike, it was able to add a ground-breaking 7 interruptions to its previously recorded best tally, taking its new PB to 37.

Jonny Bell, a fresher and one of the lucky interuptees, remarked on his awkward moment to The Whip:

“There I was, pissing. I turn around to see a distant school friend I haven’t spoken to in years” the undergraduate recounted. “What an ironic place to bump into this guy, I think to myself. I know exactly what he’s like – loud, obnoxious and full of hot air.”

“And then lo and behold, like it read my mind, the hand-dryer struck.”

He continued “after menially asking the loose acquaintance how their exams had gone, the contraption belched into action, filling the uncomfortable social void with a ubiquitous, friendship-destroying drone. It’s safe to say I never found out how those exams went!”

The company who manufactures the hand-dryer issued a brief statement to The Whip on the matter:

‘We are disappointed to hear some of our dryers are playing up, acting the fool in the loos. We will endeavour to ensure from this point onward our products are bastions of good, uninterrupted conversation. We may even consider changing their sound-effects to provide a more accommodating social ambience.’

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