Students in the ASS were met with an unfortunate sight on Tuesday Afternoon as Hector Heaney-Braithwaite, a first year residing in Hiatt Baker, was spotted muttering infamous railway announcement ‘see it, say it, sort it’ under his breath whilst scanning himself through the U-Card gates.
When we interviewed the sheltered fresher, he told us that it had been a difficult transition moving to Bristol from Knightsbridge. The undergraduate claimed his life had been reassuringly structured around the local private school, and with that safety net gone, he was really struggling. “The only way I can cope,” he explained, “is to pretend I’m back in West London. The ridiculously overpriced sandwiches in the Source cafe are really the only thing that makes me feel at home.”
Reports from the scene suggested onlookers were baffled by the nostalgic murmurings coming from the Geography student’s mouth. Hector later clarified however that it was an attempt to regain the sense of order and control he associated with the motto, with its catchy playground simplicity and comfortingly patronising tone.
“I might look weird, but it gives me something to focus my mind on. The ASS is a scary place, what with all the intimidating cliques in the smoking area and the wacky fashion. At home maroon chinos were fine… I feel so lost here.”
“I figured if I repeat that phrase over and over I can pretend that the answer to everything really is as simple as seeing it, saying it and sorting it, even in this godforsaken place with vastly inferior transport links.”