In the wake of this year’s Guild elections, The Whip has learnt of the extraordinary measures that one third year, Lachlan Cook, took to escape the political campaigners last week.
In a feeble attempt to tackle the enormous voting apathy that grips Exeter, dozens of brave individuals once again took to campus en masse, to encourage the student body to vote in the elections. However their empty slogans, Year 8 art class-standard banners and brownies as insipid as the people handing them out once again had nobody fooled.
Rather than interact with the, in his words, ‘parasites’, one Biology undergraduate Lachlan went to great lengths to get into uni in peace. He decided to circumnavigate the globe via China and arrive back in Exeter at the top of the hill. Our reporter met with him to discuss his temporary commute.
“Well from the last two years I know how bloody unbearable it gets, and noticed we hadn’t taken the recycling out in a while, so I used it all to construct a makeshift aircraft, fuelled by whatever the bits of beer left in the tins of Stella had turned into.”
Lachlan noted that his route was arduous, but insisted that a perimeter that large was necessary to avoid the campaigners. “It did mean I had to get up very early, and the journey was several days, but it didn’t feel anywhere near as long as the one conversation I had with one of them about contact hours last year.
“Some say that the Bible originally documented 11 plagues,” mused Lachlan, explaining the lengths he took to avoid the prospective officers, “as well as the swarms of locusts and frogs, there was a plague which, rather than bringing famine and devastation, brought sheer, unbridled inconvenience. This, they say, was the plague of the Forum Hill campaigners.”
Although it became apparent that Lachlan was only going to campus to visit Comida, The Whip is glad that normality has been restored post-elections, and that students can once again head for a nice catch-up in the library without fear of being harassed by these horrid people trying to enact change.