Following last term’s Dip Dab cocaine incident, another scandal has rocked the notorious Stoke Bishop residence. Undergraduate Trev ‘Triple T’ Thompson was mortified to discover his mother had brought him the prized family racehorse Rathvinden, winner at the 2018 Cheltenham festival, to help him dry his washing.
Now ostracised by the rest of Stoke Bishop for his misendeavour, Thompson revealed how it all unfolded to our correspondent:
“I specifically told mum I needed a clothes horse. You know, the nifty wooden laundry implement popular with students the world over” he explained.
“My flatmate was showing theirs off in freshers and it quickly became the talk of the town. He even lured a few girls back to his with the promise of a clothes horse demo. I thought to myself ‘I just HAVE to have one’. It’s a definitive ‘Eureka’ moment in any man’s life.”
However, things quickly spiralled out of control.
“When I saw mummy leading Rathvinden down the drive, I wanted the ground to swallow me up. People started whispering, and when one of my mates exclaimed ‘Ey Trev, that’s your mum innit?’, I knew I was outed as the culprit. I haven’t felt this embarrassed since Big Jez found my Eton Leavers tie in my cupboard last term…”
Despite the Undergraduate’s humiliation, Rathvinden insists he is the real victim:
“When Mummy Thompson paraded me down Parry’s Lane and revealed the purpose of my great pilgrimage, I thought thought she was joking.”
He continued “It wasn’t until the Range Rover left, and the brute started piling up damp adidas tracksuits onto my back that I grasped the severity of my plight. I asked him what the bloody hell he was doing. The boy said ‘Look, I know it’s not what either of us wanted, but the damage is done. I may as well make some use of you while you’re here.’ Fucking Brilliant.”