Philosophy student disputes existence of real ale

A first year philosophy student launched an ontological debate of yeasty proportions this week after informing a local boozer that their cask ale could not reasonably be described as ‘real’.

Following an introductory lecture on Platonic realism, 19 year old Rory Bennett began applying the antique scholar’s teachings to the modern world. Belabouring his newfound enlightenment to anyone who would or wouldn’t listen, the metaphysics fanatic took to the local to dispute their ‘ignorant’ labelling of fermented beverages.

Witnesses describe the Oak House resident entering the pub on a ‘high horse’, from which they assert he made his arguments.

“You heretic, you heathen! In Plato’s theory of Ideas the material world as it seems to us is not the real world. So how in your right mind can you tell me this material beer is actually real?” he is described as saying while refusing to give his money to the perplexed bar staff.

“This situation is solved by the allegory of the Cave. You’ve never heard of it? Of course not. It basically means that I should have this beer for free. God, I should have been in The School of Athens.”

On the bartender’s insistence that he pay or leave the building, Bennett handed over his change. Having come to the conclusion that ‘money isn’t real either’, the future jobless graduate drank his rather pleasant illusionary pint.

On hearing of the news, a spokesman for the Campaign for Real Ale said “Despite the young man’s criticisms of our mission, we have considered his future qualifications carefully and have decided to offer him a graduate role as bartender at one of our drinking establishments.”