‘Sweet baccy pouch bro, you been abroad?’ says Queen Elizabeth I to Sir Walter Raleigh

Who knew!

A young historian has discovered a sheaf of state documents that date back to the late 16th Century containing the minutes of the meetings that Queen Elizabeth I held with her advisors in London.

The Whip visited PhD student Becca Gabor at the UK archives, where her finds are being treated in preparation for exhibition.

“The collection gives us incredible insight into the way courtly life was conducted. One of the most thrilling things I’ve found is how the collection breathes new life into our conceptions of Queen Elizabeth as a person, as well as a ruler.”

“Take her interactions with Sir Walter Raleigh, her close confidante. Their conversations have a real intimacy, a wonderfully unpractised ease. You can tell they really enjoy each-other. Here – have a look,” tracing the words with her finger as she read:

“FUCK OFF MATE – YOU’RE BACK! WHERE YOU BEEN! IT’S BEEN TOO LONG MATE. By Drake’s beard, you look like an afterbirth.”

She continued, “the scribe then mentions they shared a warm embrace, before the royal highness proclaims…Sweet baccy pouch bro, you been abroad? Nice yellow number that. Oh fuck, yeah, fuck, sorry I forgot, lol. I was the one who sent you out West. Silly me. Nah nah nah, not ‘West’ in that way haha. Maybe later tonight when we get on the goon though. How was the New World, bro, trippy? What’s Virginia like? Are we going to have to rename it now that you’ve fucked and sucked your way through it?”

Turning from the transcript, soon-to-be-Dr. Gabor concluded, “she truly was a great orator, and never afraid to say what was truly on her mind. She was an inspiration to us all.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *