Second year Politics student Hugo Johnson outshone feeble Instagram tributes and trifling attempts at slacktivism this morning as he has transformed his kitchen into a ‘male-only’ space for International Women’s Day. Sources close the scene have reported that the blockaded room has become a safe-space quarantined from the patriarchy and a Bermuda Triangle for lad-jokes.
We visited the self-proclaimed bouncer for social justice whilst he was manning the border between the kitchen and the rest of the house. “I’m just sickened to my core with how gendered domestic spaces are and I wanted to compensate for years of ‘get back in the kitchen love!’ slander,” he declared.
“I also took inspiration from the Suffragette hunger strikes. I wanted to create a homage to their struggle for emancipation and pay tribute to Pankhurst by denying my female flatmates food for the day.”
We spoke to one of Johnson’s female flatmates living under his unique system. “I haven’t eaten since last night,” one extremely liberated woman declared, her pale complexion glowing with martyrdom, “there’s nothing that says ‘freedom’ like a straight, white dude deciding exactly where you can and can’t go.”
When we return to the male only food prep area, Hugo espoused further, “I feel like I’m finally able to demonstrate my respect for women as autonomous beings by forcing them into gender-neutral spaces such as the corridor, stairs and bedrooms – with the exception of Katy, who has a toaster and kettle up there, so Tom’s had to man that doorway too” the undergraduate explained.
“The entry requirements have made it somewhat of a gentleman’s club in there, but with less cigars and more Greer, a sort of ‘woke Bullingdon’ if you will, where we butter our toast with uncomfortable truths.”