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Breaking: absolutely no one demands a second SU vote

Finally something we can agree on!

Reports have come in this afternoon that literally nobody is asking for a second SU vote.

An anonymous UOMLove Facebook post this weekend fuelled rumours of campaign rigging and voter intimidation in the run up to the election. The post led some to speculate that the Students’ Union elections, for which voting closed on the 7th March, may be reopened. However, The Whip can confirm that not a single person is asking for a new vote to be held.

Our reporters, echoing the campaign tactics employed by some election candidates, pestered people on Oxford Road for their views. The sentiment among the student body was strong: as one passer-by put it, “Do not fucking care mate.”

A Chemistry student we interviewed, Louie Radulovic, was equally as nonchalant about the possibility of a second vote.

“I didn’t vote in the first ones did I? Of course I didn’t. Just took the free food and went. I swear some of them must have spent half their next year’s salary on Domino’s and Krispy Kremes.

“I actually could not care less about a re-run of the elections. The new sports secretary pressured some first year into voting for him? I’ve not done a sport since the egg-and-spoon race in Year 6, why would I care? Maybe if they do the elections again I’ll get a few more free dinners.”

We reached out to a newly-elected SU representative for comment. Wishing to remain anonymous, she said, “I don’t think any of us in the Union fancy another election either. Those big banners with our names on take fucking ages to make. And there’s no way I’m giving up my pay for next year. £19,000 for doing absolutely nothing baby, woohoo!”

 

 

 

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