‘Brb, just going to a funey,’ says student who really needs to stop abbreviating words

‘Need to go to saino’s first to get some flowers’

A distressing epidemic has emerged within student parlance, causing people to abbreviate their words unnecessarily, often to a point where all sense and meaning is lost. A new study suggests that overwhelming contact hours, vigilant exercise regimes and rampant sex lives mean students no longer have the time to speak properly.

Second-year Economics student, Monty Jardin, spoke to The Whip to defend the new regressive strand of dialect that is sweeping the millennial age.

“Don’t be unreaso! It’s the most efficient way for me to chat the maxo amount of crud using the mino amount of time. Winner, winner as they say mate.”

He added, “Also, it works both ways. E.g. me and the boys from Econ started saying ketaminimumwage the other day when we were bantering and it’s catching the fuck on! If you hear that around campus, it was us. Essentially, we’re just playing with the English lingo the way our forefathers did and there’s something pretty poetic about that.”

The interview with the second-year neologism expert was, ironically, cut short as he remembered he had to dash to his ‘uncle’s funey’ in Suffolk.

“Yuh, sadly he recently died of Pan Can, which is one of the quickest killers so we’ve barely had time to prep. Rumour has it he left me his time share in Jamrock though, so it’s swings and roundies isn’t it?”

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