‘Turnitin wasn’t working,’ Theresa May begs for deadline extension in letter to EU

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Theresa May has today asked the EU for an extension to article 50, delaying Brexit by up to three months.

The Whip has obtained details of a letter from the prime minister’s office to Jean-Claude Juncker, the European commission president, sent precisely three minutes after the deadline for submitting a deal.

A desperate Mrs. May has blamed difficulty on finalising a deal not on her dwindling authority as leader of the country, but on a technical hitch suffered as she tried to upload a copy of her deal to plagiarism checking service Turnitin.

In excerpts from the letter, the PM explained, “I’m really really sorry I didn’t get it in on time but I’ve just had such a busy week and I didn’t get round to submitting it until this morning and then Turnitin wasn’t working.

“I don’t know why it wasn’t working I think maybe the Internet went down or Google or something but I promise it’s all written.

“I just need to resolve the Irish border conflict and then I’ll email it to you, could I get it to you in like three months?”

Students across the country have launched protests as news of the letter surfaced, with one objecting, ”Turnitin never goes down, she’s gassing it, I tried the same thing with my seminar leader and I got a zero. Why should she be treated any different?”

Turnitin have confirmed that their services experienced no outage at any point in the last week, blindsiding Downing Street and students alike.

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