Student booty calls tutor asking for advice on essay structure

Reports have surfaced that last night, first year History student Maddie Converse drunk-dialled her tutor in order to get advice on how to best go about structuring her upcoming essay.

The student – who has a 2000-word essay titled ‘Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded survived: To what extent does King Henry VIII represent a feminist icon?’ due in next Monday – revealed that she called her tutor after her initial message of ‘you awake x’ got no response.

“I was just confused,” explained Maddie – sipping a Berroca and watching ‘The Other Boleyn Girl’. “I didn’t know whether to weave the historiographical debates into each section of my argument or have that as a separate paragraph at the start in and of itself.

“Men are just so hard to understand, I’d gone to his office hours and he’d given me fuck all. I just need to know what he wants from me. It was stupid: I was drunk and tired and confused, but the week before essay deadline is a stressful time. I was vulnerable and lonely, I just needed some support.”

Speaking to one of her mates, The Whip understands that this is not a one-off event for Maddie.

“She does it most times she’s pissed. We thought she was over it but last night takes us back to square one. That was the first time since New Year’s Eve, when she called her tutor just after midnight asking him if it was best to revise every topic for the exam or just pick and few and try and really nail them down.”

At time of press The Whip can reveal that Maddie is still not certain of her essay structure, but instead has plans to leave a long, teary voicemail to Student Services applying for a deadline extension.