173 Google Chrome tabs edge closer to sweet release of death after essay submission

The end is nigh.

The Whip can confirm that up to 173 Google Chrome will finally embrace their long-awaited demise later today, following an undergraduate’s last-minute submission of a sociology essay.

Sally Kripps, 19 years old, accumulated the huge number of tabs over a two-week period, but first used them for her essay at 7 p.m. yesterday evening, only five hours prior to the official deadline. Our reporters met the bleary-eyed student to find out more.

“Well, I’d been meaning to make a start on the essay for a while,” the first year confessed. “That’s why I had the tabs open for so long. I ended up handing it in 30 minutes before the deadline; not because I was finished, I was just so sick of writing it.

“The tabs are all open in the same window: I’ve kept another window open to hide them, just so I can go on Facebook without feeling guilty.” Among the tabs, there are rumoured to be 33 articles on JSTOR, four different Harvard referencing guides and 17 iterations of ‘chilled study beats’ YouTube playlists.

Shocking new research has shown that some tabs are kept open for even longer than in this case. A recent graduate student admitted to keeping tabs for his dissertation open for several months at a time. He ignored his laptop’s multiple cries for help, including denying it permission to update “upwards of three times”.

It is not yet clear whether universities are prepared to begin penalising students for their widespread torture of computers.

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