‘Chronic Anxiety’, ‘Sorting the Recycling’ and ‘Breathing’ to be next student hot topics Gravity exploit for mediocre BED Monday themes

Hot topics for hot nights.

The marketing team at Gravity, trying their darnedest to appear ‘cool’ and ‘relevant,’ have announced Gravity’s new BED Monday themes, which include ‘Chronic Anxiety’, ‘Sorting the Recycling’ and ‘Breathing’. This follows the Gravity marketing team’s recent methodology of latching onto literally anything they think students are talking about.

The team are reportedly glowing with pride at their innovation and repeatedly scoffing smugly. When asked if they thought the themes were inappropriate, Mandy Philips, member of the Gravity marketing team denied any such accusations.

“We here at Grav HQ know what the youth want, and we know what the kids think are trendy. You see these?” She pointed to her ears before slowly lowering her head to the floor,

“These bad boys are down to the ground. They’re listening to the whisperings of the street. Hot topic? Heard it. New hype? Oop, heard it. Bristol is a beating heart of trends and fads, and we are its heart rate monitor, our ears are on its pulse and oh can she hum.”

Despite the confidence expressed by Mandy and other members of the marketing team, many think that Gravity may have missed the mark with these new themes suggesting that rising rates of anxiety and stress amongst the Bristol student body doesn’t not necessarily equate to a wild night out with the mates.

Other BED theme ideas that the Gravity marketing team have been throwing round the office in recent weeks include “tying your laces” and “liking coffee”. Tom Hall, marketing manager of the Gravity Monday BED theme creation and innovation team, was pretty confident that both were “fairly-popular amongst the student population” making them ripe themes for an aggressively sub-par evening.

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