As the term draws closer to an end, more students find themselves anxiously waiting to vividly break back into the social scene, which inevitably means one thing: more house parties. The Whip relishes the opportunity to provide the latest breaking news from these hives of drunken drama and debauchery.
This week, second year Computer Science student Emily Green contacted The Whip, claiming she had an engrossing, cautionary tale of horror she needed people to hear. We, of course, obliged.
“It started similarly to any messy night out; half-rushed curry hastily warmed in the microwave, washed down with two glasses of low-grade rosé from the Pinhoe Road Prem, then stopped off at Beer Box on the way to sort me for the rest of the night.”
Little did she know that the rare K Cider deal she’d acquired there would be her downfall. Leaving for the party, she quickly polished off one metallic tasting tin and upon arrival, a rapid nursing of the second vicious K sealed her fate.
“I didn’t know that many people there, so just stood in crowds of people chatting. I hate awkward silence though, so I just decided to down drinks until someone opened their mouth to talk, which admittedly wasn’t the smartest idea.”
Emily proceeded to throw-up in no less than six locations in the house, with many criticising not only her inability to control herself, but her decision to go for a beef curry rather than a chicken one.
“I don’t think it was just the booze,” was Emily’s riposte: “those awful rollies I bartered from some lad dressed in a garishly flamboyant jumper were definitely dodgy. I’m not a lightweight, honest!”
It’s been said the vomit could be seen flowing out of the front door and down Vic Street, leaving what locals described as an altogether pleasant smell compared to usual. The furniture, walls and TV set were all covered in ‘a thick film of mucus and bile.’
“It was probably one of the worst experiences of my life,” mused Emily reflecting on the incident, “but at least everyone knows who I am now.”