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Conservatives set up makeshift stall at careers fair to advertise ‘new, entry level position at the heart of government’

Anyone, please?

A small, approachable Cabal of Conservative MPs were seen rapidly assembling an IKEA flat-pack table in the Wills Memorial Building earlier this morning in order to quickly fill a recently vacated position at the heart of Government.

The exciting opportunity, now open to University of Bristol students, requires applicants who ‘do not necessarily have any knowledge or formal experience of politics’ but ‘are enthusiastic about making decisions that could drastically damage the lives of seventy million people.’

We sent a reporter down to the fair to see if they could find out more.

“We’ve been encouraged by the response” said Dominic Rabb. “every single person that’s put their name on the mailing list think it’s for the Civil Service though” he explained. “we didn’t have enough time to make our own needlessly large background banner and we found theirs in storage at No. 10.”

Jacob Rees Mogg, also in attendance, seemed similarly enthused.

“Jolly good reaction we’ve had coming down here. Especially compared to last time, when I was walloped across the noggin by some rather uncouth hooligan from the local polytechnic. Ghastly stuff. If we can walk back home with a new PM then I shan’t shy away from calling this outing a success.”

Unfortunately, the day did not end as originally intended. Several party members reportedly squared up to a collection Deloitte employees that were ‘sharking them from across the hall’, leading to a scuffle and eventual expulsion from the event.

 

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