With Islamic State nearing defeat, factions within the Middle East are now revelling in the freedom long denied to them by their oppressive captors.
However, our foreign correspondent spotted a familiar victory chant in the rolling foothills of Northern Syria, as Kurdish Rebels were heard chanting “I’d rather be in Wills than in ISIS,” putting an imaginative twist on the classic Bristolian chant.
Our foreign correspondent interviewed Kurdish Front soldier Alan, to find out how the Stoke Bishop song found fame in Northern Syria:
“It all started when my younger brother Steve went off to study in Bristol” explained Alan. “Naturally, we wanted to pay him a visit, but when we arrived at his accommodation in Wills Hall, I was utterly shocked at the conditions.” He shook his head in disbelief. “It was harrowing to see. And on top of that, the public shaming that took place on the U1 bus was horrific. The poor bastards got the piss taken out of them on every single night out by Churchill and Badock. War has shown me the worst of humanity, but this sight shook me to my very core…”
Upon return, Alan realised that he could channel the torrid suffering of Wills’ students toward Islamic state, and use the bullying chant as a rallying cry for the opposition.
“We started singing it on our night patrols, and eventually it grew into a bit of a tradition. Now, the lads and I never miss a chance to slam ISIS with this banger, it’s just such a tune!” He laughed, passing a sixth tinnie to his comrade Colin.
Now deafened by the boorish chant, our correspondent contacted ISIS to get their reaction.
“Yah I know everyone says it’s ‘just banter’ and ‘good chat’, but it’s really damaging our reputation. We’ve been to Wills Hall, it’s a shithole! We don’t want Syrians thinking that we’re somehow associated with such a dire institution. No wonder we’re losing so much territory…”