May still bigger fool than April

This morning the nation has engaged in all manner of pranks, horseplay and hijinks. Regrettably, however, a study has shown that these pranksters are just posers, farting around in the shadow of Theresa May.

The study conducted by the GGG (Global Goof Group) investigated such tricks as cling film on loo seats, unplanned pregnancy scares, and having an earnest conversation with your father. Yet these japes reportedly ‘aren’t quite as rib-tickling’ as letting the United Kingdom crumble into a quivering wreck of economic inadequacy, political disrepair and episodic xenophobia.

The report states, “This morning’s quirky quips really got us chortling, we have to admit. It’s just unfortunate that no one can seem to one-up the slow implosion of a country. There are cameras here, here and ruddy everywhere. It really is a 66 million in 1 prank.”

Unfortunately The Whip could not secure an interview with the prime minister, but there have been allegations of a loud guffawing emanating from 10 Downing Street at around 7am.