May still bigger fool than April
This morning the nation has engaged in all manner of pranks, horseplay and hijinks. Regrettably, however, a study has shown that these pranksters are just posers, farting around in the shadow of Theresa May.
The study conducted by the GGG (Global Goof Group) investigated such tricks as cling film on loo seats, unplanned pregnancy scares, and having an earnest conversation with your father. Yet these japes reportedly ‘aren’t quite as rib-tickling’ as letting the United Kingdom crumble into a quivering wreck of economic inadequacy, political disrepair and episodic xenophobia.
The report states, “This morning’s quirky quips really got us chortling, we have to admit. It’s just unfortunate that no one can seem to one-up the slow implosion of a country. There are cameras here, here and ruddy everywhere. It really is a 66 million in 1 prank.”
Unfortunately The Whip could not secure an interview with the prime minister, but there have been allegations of a loud guffawing emanating from 10 Downing Street at around 7am.
- 1Greta delivers earth-shattering Motion techno set during Bristol visit
- 2Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 3Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 4North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 5Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form