Confectionary giant Nestlé have today announced the recruitment of a new brand ambassador. She comes in the form of a busy, overwhelmed third year student with a dissertation due, internship applications unfinished and parents divorcing.
Katie Tong, a final year English student, spends hours a day scrolling through an unhelpful, endless stream of Facebook videos and Instagram pictures of remote Asian islands. She allegedly ‘always wanted a job as non-committal and piss easy as a brand ambassador,’ and this clear enthusiasm for the role, a spokesperson for Kit Kat revealed, made it a ‘no-brainer’ to bring the undergraduate on board.
The Whip spoke to the student in question who has just under a month to complete her 10,000 word thesis on red as the symbol of lust and anger in contemporary feminist literature.
“Yeah I’ve got some notes and a rough plan but I haven’t actually started typing yet. I find after five minutes of work, it’s nice to take a 25-minute break. I think that’s why Kit Kat got in touch because when the work:break ratio is so in favour of chilling, resting, and checking the apps, there’s bags of time to for existential crises and buying Nestlé branded chocolate treats.”
She added, “I can see my role as the ‘Have a Break’ brand ambassador as something I’ll be able to carry on with well into the future. Given my degree choice, I have little to no job prospects at all so next year is looking like a 12-month break to me! Life is just better that way. If I have something pressing, important, or life-altering to do, I really do have a break, I really do have a Kit Kat.”