The Ecuadorian ambassador, Carlos Ortiz, is on the hunt for a new housemate with whom to share his “spacious, well furnished and diplomatically neutral converted townhouse”, after the previous tenant left “abruptly” due to a “minor falling out with a neighbour”.
The post went on to detail some features of the property to tempt would be renters, such as an “ornate iron balcony, perfect for impromptu press conferences” and a “quaint completely untouched front garden,” as well as a “24-hour Sainos just around the corner”. Mr Ortiz couldn’t stress what an opportunity this was, explaining that “the room is so nice that the previous tenant didn’t leave for 7 years, if that isn’t a ringing endorsement, I don’t know what is.”
However, Mr Ortiz was quick to assert a few key house rules to ensure that the rental period was smooth sailing:
“A biggie for us is to please report any leaks to the landlord, the previous tenant was really bad with leaks, seemed to almost get a kick out of them and that certainly caused us some issues.
“Furthermore, being involved in high level diplomatic disputes is totally out…. and no cats, Pablo is allergic.”
According to our sources two would be tenants, Edward Snowden and Chelsea Manning, have already contacted Mr Ortiz, but he described them as “high maintenance” and “not really what we’re looking for”. Ortiz then confirmed he was after someone who is “more up for chilling and watching Cash in the Attic”.
The new tenant will be expected to pay £450 a month, plus any outstanding bail money, contract running from 1st July 2019 to the point at which you are no longer politically useful. For any more details email Mr Ortiz at email@example.com.