Student enjoys seventh ‘last night out before exams’ in a row

With exam season in full swing, some students are finding it difficult to maintain a strict revision regime. One such student, Liam Anderson, has reportedly just returned from his seventh “one last hoorah” in a row.

The Whip obtained the chance to interview Liam, a final year History student, while recovering from his week-long bender.

“Sex, drugs, rock and roll man! It’s been a mad week. Love Manchester.” He said in a questionable Northern accent, before falling asleep while mumbling the lyrics to Wonderwall.

Our reporters turned to his housemates for more details on Liam’s goal – “Next three weeks yeah, I swear I’m not going out” – and subsequent failure.

“Every week it’s the same; he’s anxious, worried, and won’t stop talking about how fucked he is,” said 20-year-old Lucy. “I say to him, ‘Just do your work and you’ll be fine, you’ve still got ages!’ That’s when he makes vacuous promises like never drinking again or staying in for the next three weeks.

“He usually gets about three days in before he’s back at it. A neo-gabba night at Soup Kitchen? He’s there. ‘Always wanted to go to something like that,’ apparently. He says it’s ok because it’ll be a sober weekend, but we all know how that ends up.”

At this point in the interview, Liam stirred and proceeded to panic. “I’ve got an exam in three days, and I haven’t revised, and I’m going to fail, and I won’t get a job, and I won’t make money, and then I won’t be able to afford DJ Hazard at Hidden!”