Curry Mile to be renamed Korma Kilometre in accordance with metric system

Welcome to The Korma Kilometre.

The Curry Mile has been the top end-of-season curry destination for decades. Now, a decision from the local council to change the name of the Wilmslow Road stretch to The Korma Kilometre risks bringing an end to that long-running tradition.

Local planning bosses reported the decision on Tuesday, revealing a “desire to keep up with the world – to not be one of only four countries still using imperial measurements, and to distance ourselves from the inhumanity of the British Empire and its ties to yards and miles.”

The Whip reporters interviewed masala-mad Henry Dyer, who also captains the UoM rugby seconds team, about the decision.

“This decision is outrageous. The metric system has no place in Great Britain. It’s all French Revolution nonsense. We didn’t crush Napoleon at Waterloo for his ghost to come back 200 years later and change our miles to kilometres.

“My worry with this is, what’s next? How can I get a round of pints in for the boys if we have to order in measures of 568.2 millilitres? ‘4545.6ml of your finest mate, and keep the change.’

“We’ve got a few polo ponies back home. Each one measures 15 hands tall at the withers. Not a fingertip taller. Dad’s not going to be happy if I tell him we’ve got to start measuring them in centimetres.

“I’ve got to say though, I do like a good korma. Not that I can’t handle spice, obviously, because I obviously can, but sometimes you want the depth of flavour and not the heat. Plus it’s great stomach lining for the end of season bash, if I’ve not already chundered after my starter of 12 pints.”

The council dismissed the student’s argument, noting that the Curry Mile now has more shisha bars than curry houses anyway.


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