Bristol’s police and ambulance departments will be taking a well-deserved break this weekend as Love has promised to save the day instead.
The organisers of the festival, which will take place in Eastville Park on both Saturday and Sunday, have reportedly informed Bristol City Council that they will no longer require a police presence or paramedic team because ‘there is no wound love can’t fix’.
“We’re big believers in the idea that love knows no bounds” explained Jeremy Heartburn from The Love Group, “it permeates our very existence, picks us up when we’re down, and brings joy to our lives.”
He continued “After I got my stomach pumped in the back of the medical tent at Boomtown five years ago, I remember thinking as my eyes rolled back in my head ‘surely there’s a better way than this’. And that’s when it dawned on me – don’t do four bombs at once. But also, all you need is love.”
“This year, for the first time ever, my dream is becoming reality. Instead of a paramedic and law enforcement cohort for the weekend, I hired an elite team of love ambassadors, each armed with infectious smiles, unrivalled levels of empathy and a 6-week training qualification in Peruvian energy hugging.”
“Just head along to one of the pink tents by the main stage if you have any concerns about your general health and well-being, and we’ll make sure you leave it feeling loved up and loving life.”
The Whip would like to remind Love Saves The Day attendees to be vigilant, stay safe, and only do gun fingers if you really have to.