Psychologists baffled as Hijacked attendee fails to upload Instagram photo
After Instagram servers almost reached breaking point this morning due to the inundation of photos from Hijacked, psychologists have praised one unlikely hero who subverted all expectations by simply not uploading a photo of themselves at the festival. Baffled and full of admiration in equal measure, The Whip sought out this prince among men for comment.
Tim Dempsey slumps in his chair, sipping a cool pint of Carlsberg, his presumably massive pupils shielded by black sunglasses. For a man who possesses such integrity in resisting the urge to post a photo a-la ‘look at me I went and did mandy in a pub garden’, the second-year geographer is remarkably restrained and modest:
“I just went because I like the music, that’s really all there is to it. I know timing-wise it fits nicely at the end of exams so I can understand people using it as an opportunity to get fucked up, but there’s some of us who actually just enjoy it for what it is and don’t need to show off that we went for likes on the internet.”
As soon as Tim finished his sentence, the entire Ram stood still: glasses hit the floor and chairs swiveled, with flabbergasted eyes flocking to the man who dared to utter such a bold statement. Many could not comprehend what had been said, with some rationalising to themselves that he was speaking a foreign language, a madman or the second coming of Jesus Christ.
Psychologist Dr. Courtney Cheung elaborated on the peculiarity of Tim’s case: “It is a bizarre foible of this generation that, for anyone to enjoy something they need it posthumously gratified by likes on social media, as if they can’t have a good time unless other people know they are.”
“How Tim has managed to subvert this societal constraint is incredible. We can only hope an insight into his remarkable psyche can lead to a much more profound understanding of ourselves and the universe.”
Upon further inspection, it was revealed to The Whip that Tim was simply waiting for his disposables to be developed before posting them. He has declined to comment.
- 1Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 4Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form
- 5Oak House students seeking prison sentences in bid for more homely accommodation