‘Sorry lads!’ Harry Kane sacks off Champions League final to go to EGB


England captain Harry Kane sent shockwaves through the footballing world today by confirming his intention to attend EGB rather than represent Tottenham against Liverpool in tonight’s Champions League final.

The striker, who had been nursing a foot injury, was widely expected to return to the Spurs team for the biggest game of the season, but he has now broken the hearts of many by travelling down to Exeter to attend the hottest event of the calendar year instead.

The Whip was lucky enough to catch Kane stocking up at Beer Box before the big event, and through the use of a translator we were able to conduct an interview with the main man:

“I really wish I could do both,” sighed Kane, drenching his tux with saliva: “don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be out there with all the lads, but I just had to let them down this time.”

Kane, who alongside his teammates is renowned for ‘bottling’ up his feelings, was perfectly candid with our reporter over his motivations for the choice.

“If we win, yeah sure, we’ll get some glory, and Madrid is a lovely place, but you can’t tell me that you’d pick that over expensive drinks and a teacup ride in a field in Crediton.”

Kane was reportedly almost swayed by the rival event ‘Impy Garden Ball’ and was relishing the prospect at getting mashed at the nicest Spoons garden in the country, but conceded that watching his team mates on the big screen at EGB for a mere £5 a pop was a bargain, despite it being shown for free on YouTube.



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