Student sells kidney to afford library cafe meal deal

Reports came in this week of a savvy second year student’s decision to sell one of their two kidneys on the black market in order to finance the purchase of a wrap and hot drink combo from the Library Lounge cafe.

Many students find themselves breaking the bank on £5 lunches over exams as they discover they are too stressed to walk to Morrisons and too lazy to make a packed lunch in the morning. Stephanie Roberts, a second year Medic, spoke to Whip reporters on how she financed such extravagant meals.

“I spent my entire overdraft on BBQ jackfruit wraps and skinny lattes. Priorities are priorities. My kidneys are not.

“Through my medical connections and/or my friends with ketamine habits I was able to find someone who needed a new kidney really quickly. It was over in 20 minutes. We did the op in a group study room on Green 2.

“It’s been great so far. The extra money is really helping. I can’t drink any more than a pint without violently throwing up, but at least I’m getting skinnier and saving money at the pub. And I can get all the overpriced meal deals I want.

“I might treat myself to a Pret today.”

Roberts has reportedly been toying with the idea of selling her second kidney to buy plane tickets to Thailand this summer.