Oak House fresher disgusted to find northerner in flat

A new arrival at UoM has spoken of her disgust upon finding a northerner sitting in the kitchen of a shared Oak House flat.

19-year-old Pippa Harris made the discovery soon after moving in and immediately contacted ResLife to resolve the issue. 

The former Enfield resident told Whip reporters, “I’m actually disgusted that uni thinks this is an acceptable way to live.

“I can’t believe my dad is paying £102 a week for this dump. I’m OK with mice. Even black mould is to be expected. But I’ve no idea how they can think I’d share a flat with someone from the North.

“This is the first time I’ve been north of Watford. I’m completely out of my depth. I should probably break the ice but I don’t know how. Do I offer them some tea? A pie? Increased regional spending on public transport?

“I’m really freaked out right now. I can’t wait to tell Tabby and Amelia about this.”

ResLife later confirmed to The Whip that the issue has been resolved, with Pippa moving to Owens Park to be closer to her own kind.