Fever owners defend decision to convert to sauna instead of fixing the temperature

“It’s part of the appeal!”

Fever bosses officially announced plans to rebrand as ‘Fever Spa’ on Monday evening, in a bid to capitalise on what they believe to be the ‘natural benefits’ of the property, whilst also denying claims that the rebranding represents an attempt to bypass criticism of the club’s consistently high temperature.

Punters in recent years have pointing to high temperatures and humidity as central features of the venue, and a government inspection in January found temperatures in excess of British safety regulations, reaching 52˚C at one point in the night when ‘Mr. Brightside’ came on.

“Surely it makes more sense to just fix the air-con? I know it’s called Fever but I didn’t expect that meant any night out there would physically replicate the feelings of having one,” admitted Physics fresher Jacob Barnes.

The club was again in the local press in May, when twenty-seven women were sent to A&E after fainting in the queue for the toilets, with some having waited for over two hours. When approached for comment, Fever officials refused to comment beyond blaming ‘female queueing culture’ for being at fault for the mass-hospitalizations.

As part of the redevelopment, the Fever Spa boasts a sauna, steam rooms, swimming pool and various hot tubs, though sources indicate that there is no heating system in place and body heat alone will power it all.

The facility has been rated with five stars by official reviewers, with Fever officials stating that they were aiming to “capitalise on the growing luxury sector” within the city and that a complete rebrand just “felt more natural” than just installing some air-con.

Despite enduring controversies in recent months, recent sales figures indicate that the conversion to a Spa has paid wonders for Fever’s profits, and Holland Hall-ers and international students alike are praising the decision as “just what we needed” and “pleasantly aloof.”

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