Third year delighted new home comes with complementary mould, mildew and cute little silverfish

A third year student has contacted The Whip suggesting that the student community should reappraise its general disdain towards landlords after securing “the deal of the century.”

The landlord in question reportedly made no mention that their Hyde Park house was riddled with fungal infestations, quite to the delight of Tommy Leecher who had previously assumed that landlords usually tended towards the latter side of the give-take relationship.

“Now I’m no expert in anything to do with business,” the business management student stated, “but we got plenty of bang for our buck in this instance.

“People talk of ‘live’ houses, usually referring to a nice basement, or strong party potential. Our house is actually alive, an urban conservatory bubbling with fungi and the dreams of thousands of little fishies. What a bargain.”

Leecher went on to assert that he no longer needed to decorate the walls, saying mildew is “nature’s decoration.”

Indeed, the final year student remains convinced that, by squinting, you can make out virtually any popular student poster amidst the fungal infestation, “that big wave in Japan – we got it. Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction – three, side by side.”

In a heartfelt tribute to the landlord’s amphibious philanthropy, Leecher described how the silverfish have plugged a gaping emotional hole.

“My housemate had a goldfish in second year which died. One year since that tragedy, having the silverfish as our new pets has brought us all together again. We owe our friend the landlord a lot, two months’ rent in fact.”

Perhaps this apparent generosity will finally turn the tide of opinion in favour of landlords, or perhaps it will simply result in severe respiratory problems for a few optimistic tenants.

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