Environmentalism win: Rugby Club declared ‘zero waste’ after fresher eats own sick at initiations

This week, Bristol University Rugby Club was hailed by environmental groups as a ‘zero waste climate champion’ after it emerged that freshers were instructed to eat their own sick at initiations.

The Whip caught up with club vice-captain Winston Jugg at Coombe Dingle to talk about the changing university sports culture.

“We’re really proud of what we’ve achieved. “I’m just glad people are finally waking up to what we’ve always been about. We’ve been modernising for a while now – but, I want to stress, this not a revolution, but an evolution. We’re developing the ideas that have always been at the heart of Rugby – recycling the ball, being conscious of the clock – and applying them to the environmental crisis.

“After all, our greatest innovation has come out of our old adage ‘spillage is lickage.’ We’ve always thought it to be a statement that powerfully critiques society’s wasteful cradle-to-grave system of consumption.

“And that’s exactly why we told the fresh to chug their own vomit. Zero waste. All leftover bodily emissions are reclaimed for composting our club’s new micro-garden.”

We asked Winston if there was any final statement he’d like to make on behalf of the Rugby Club before a weekend of mass environmental action.

“Our house is on fire. We solemnly pledge to do our bit, to both piss and to sick on the flames ’til they’re out.”