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“Finally, independent!”: Fresher confirms smooth transition from sponging off parents to sponging off government

A noble move

A young fresher is celebrating today after taking her first big step out of mummy and daddy’s shadow.

Polly Pennyworth received the coveted text from Student Finance England yesterday confirming that soon her bank account will be flooded with borrowed cash that she has no intention of ever paying back.

We caught up with Polly to see how she felt about her new-found independence.

“I’m absolutely over the moon. I feel like I’ve joined an exclusive club. I was finally able to post something on LeedsFess about it and it got over 50 likes, so that’s just the cherry on top.”

Polly insists that she is going to be smart about her loan: “There’s no way I’m going to be crawling back to mum and dad. I might celebrate with the one ASOS order, and a quick trip to the pub. Maybe one Deliveroo as well, because I’ve been eating pasta for the past week. But after that it’s a strict budget. This is my chance to show my parents that I can make it on my own, without any handouts.”

We wish Polly good luck and can only hope that she manages to stick to this rigorous plan, as she would like to avoid a grovelling late-night message to her Dad in November explaining how she spent the last of her loan getting scammed on an extortionately priced Highrise ticket.

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