Manchester UK

10 ways to make your new housemates love you

Guaranteed Success!

It’s well known that getting to know your new flatmates can be daunting. With this in mind, The Whip has compiled a simple list, explaining the 10 best ways to make sure you make friends.

1.  Don’t be afraid of covering awkward subjects. Remind your flatmate that they drunkenly confessed to sleeping with a cuddly toy, occasionally wetting the bed, and fancying you.

2.  Eavesdrop on your housemates conversations!  Then you can use “I heard you crying on the phone to your mum about not being able to make friends” as a conversation starter.

3.  Let them know that you facebook-stalked them right back to 2009. Like their year 8 pictures to prove it.

4.  Make food at 3am whilst shit faced, and fall asleep when doing so. Be sure to leave the hob on so the kitchen is nice and toasty in the morning.

5.  Steal money from your housemates and blame other people to create DRAMA! The more people involved the better!

6.  Play grime music at full volume, and be utterly oblivious to normal sleeping hours.

7.  Use the hoover to clean up sick so that the lingering smell of stale vomit resurfaces every time someone tries to clean their room.

8.  Have extremely loud sex so everyone knows your safe-word to use in times of trouble.

9.  Start a science experiment in controlled conditions. Measure the length of time a carrot in the bottom draw of the fridge takes to entirely decompose.

10.  Create a natural plug out of human hair so that having a shower becomes a plunge pool experience.

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