Tiny fork necklaces selling badly

‘It’s devastating our business.’

A report published today in the Financial Times found that shares in Teeny Tableware, the Bristol-based company best known for producing miniature cutlery pendants, have continued to plummet.

Shareholders have demanded to know what has caused the shrinkage, prompting the National Bureau of Economic Research to launch an inquiry.

The Bureau found that although sales of miniature spoon necklaces continued to rise, fork pendants stagnated at a less than impressive rate.

Our cutlery correspondent Silvia Smith spoke to a representative from Teeny Tableware to shed some light on the disparity.

“When we set up the company in 2004, our dream was to create a range of elegant pieces for small-handed silverware enthusiasts to exhibit. Then we pivoted toward wearables, so our customers would never feel insecure about the size of their hands – even when on-the-go!

“Initially our branding was tailored towards an older demographic, but then we started seeing our spoon range worn by youngsters at festivals and nightclubs. We never knew that so many teenagers had such a penchant for hand-forged cutlery.

“But it really remains a mystery as to why they aren’t buying our micro-forks necklaces, and it’s devastating our business. When I’ve asked them, they’ve just called me ‘Narc’, or ‘Fuck-off’, which I also don’t really get – my name is Silvia!”

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