‘Extension Rebellion’ demand ‘net zero submissions’ by 2025

A grassroots activist group has declared a day of civil disobedience in response to the University’s stricter guidelines on coursework submissions. ‘Extension Rebellion’ list their core demands on an unfinished mass MoonPig e-card as follows:

1. By 2025, we DEMAND all work set by the university be formative (as long as formative is the one where it doesn’t count?) [CHECK LATER]

2. DEADLINES will be renamed LIFELINES because that is generous, less scary and also prettier

3. EXTENSIONS will be GRANTED to all – futuristically, retrospectively, and side-ways in time (does this exist?) [CHECK LATER]

4. hugh bardy is a dickhead [THIS IS GOOD]

The Whip sent a correspondent to Wills Memorial Building, centre of the protests, to find out more.

“This is not a sit-in. This is a lie-in!” bellowed John Burke, 3rd year Philosophy student and de-facto leader of the resistance, as he plumped a pillow.

“We reject social constructs like deadlines. We call for nothing but a little more humanity and understanding. And obviously a total overhaul of the way that universities work.”

Asked if he thought that his movement owed anything to Extinction Rebellion, the protest group working to bring about climate justice, he demurred:

“I don’t know what you mean mate. We don’t even sound similar. I think they probably copied us, like. I actually have a bit of beef with them – by protesting on the same day as us, it’s kind of a fuck you? They’re probably just old Hughies’ goons. Crisis actors.”