Generous and efficient landlord announces plans to mend sink before 2027
The world of property letting and below-par plumbing was left completely stunned this morning after news emerged that a landlord had put plans in motion to fix an upstairs bathroom sink, ahead of schedule.
The owner of the terraced house on Vic Street shocked the local community by declaring he would be starting the maintenance eight years early.
The announcement has been met with stern criticism from local property tycoon Raymond Blake.
“Fat chance,” Blake snorted over the phone, during an exclusive call from The Whip.
“Who does this fella think he is? Doesn’t he know that us landlords usually wait the best part of a decade before addressing even the most major maintenance issues?”
“There is absolutely no chance this little project of his will be done ahead of time. No way.”
The scale of the logistical operation is not yet fully understood. Rumours have been circulating that several roads will have to be closed, the entire water supply to the South West will be cut off indefinitely, and that four or five hundred ‘guys called Dave’ have already been mobilised.
The meagre maintenance response times status quo may be on the brink of complete destruction by one rogue sink-smith. However, the landlord in question has been quick to dampen the flames of rebellion among his neglectful, yet feisty, buy-to-let kin:
“Panic not! Rest assured that the repair job will be shoddy and temperamental, the plumber in question will be characteristically rude, and absolutely no-one, I mean no-one, will be getting their damage deposits back because of this! Mark my words.”
- 1Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 4Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form
- 5Oak House students seeking prison sentences in bid for more homely accommodation