At the start of every year, thousands of students make the same promises to themselves: they’ll do all the reading, they’ll start their essays early, and, of course, they will be there for every single lecture, rain or shine, 9am or 5pm.
Unfortunately, now halfway through week 2, reality has firmly set in and those promises, like everyone’s tans, have faded out of existence. Those select few, who still struggle valiantly on, can comfort themselves with the knowledge that they do indeed have their lives together.
However, it appears that one student routinely rewards themselves for making that early morning sacrifice in an altogether more satisfying manner.
Jack Slotherby was spotted having a celebratory nap in his 9am History lecture, head down on the desk, laptop carefully positioned in front of him, snoring softly through a monotonous drone of Second World War strategies.
“Look, I understand that the ins and outs of British military efforts is not the most exciting subject at the best of time,” ranted the dejected lecturer, “but he could have had the decency to not wear a fucking eye mask. The cheeky bugger even set an alarm.”
The Whip managed to catch up with the refreshed student just moments later:
“I’m not really sure what the big deal is to be honest,” he said, with the pressure lines from his sleeve barely faded from his face. “I have three 9am lectures a week, so what was the uni expecting? I’m only human.
“At least I turned up. This one has got lecture capture, so in reality I deserve a medal. What about the rest of the lazy bastards who haven’t even got out of bed yet? They’re the real story.
“Do I feel bad about it? No. Would I do it again? 100%. Am I going to re-watch the lecture to see what I missed? Absolutely not.”