Student visits subject parent’s house, immediately calls care home
The University of Bristol was forced to take action this week after a subject-child subject-parent relationship triggered concerns for a child’s wellbeing.
The father in question was second year Politics and Sociologist James Lingtonberry. He lured his newfound politics offspring, Paul Pesowski, who has chosen not to adopt the family name, to his home in the murky depths of Redland.
Traversing from his hovel in Hiatt Baker into unchartered territory proved an intrepid mission for the young Pesowksi. “It got me a bit emotional”, the fresher remarked, “I’ve barely scraped the surface of Bristol’s residential areas and seeing my Dad living in such squalor was a lot to handle.
“I thought the Politics parenting scheme was all about sharing knowledge! I expected to be up until the early hours absorbing videos of Slavoj Zizek having the debate of the century with Jordan Peterson, but no, instead I was force-fed Tequila slammers and stinging-rogers’.
“I came to uni wanting to live and breathe academia. Instead, when I met my new Politics father I was living and breathing all the wrong stenches – all the illegals. I counted three Doritos dip jars overflowing with cigarette ends. That’s worse than my real Dad back home! I had to call someone in authority. He couldn’t take care of himself anymore.”
In a bid to make amends, the disgraced father Lingtonberry has committed to Stoptober. He has setup a charity fundraising link to the National Trust for followers to support his efforts.
The Whip has been told that Pesowski is yet to donate.
- 1Greta delivers earth-shattering Motion techno set during Bristol visit
- 2Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 3Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 4North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 5Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form