‘10th time free!’ Fallowfield muggers launch loyalty card scheme

Reports just in confirm that the Fallowfield Muggers Association (FMA) will be introducing student loyalty cards as part of a transformative new act. The Whip spoke to the head of the initiative, to see how the loyalty cards will change the mugging experience for students.

Creator of the new act, Anonymous Patroller of Ladybarn Road, told The Whip, “we wanted to show our customers how appreciative we are of them and their dumb attempts to walk home from Factory on their own.

“Each time we mug them, they can have a stamp on their card in the shape of a little black eye. The 10th time, we’ll let them choose one item which they can keep!”

When we looked closely at the T&C’s, we noted that it did say that 10th “keepable” item cannot be: your phone, laptop, wallet, purse, headphones, bus-pass, keys, coat, shoes, soul or dignity.