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Armitage Shanks hate him! This student saves vital calories by pissing in corner of basement room

The ONE thing toilets don’t want you to know about.

**THIS STUDENT DID WHAT?!**

Gone are the days of porcelain thrones and archaic contraptions like the stairs, as a second-year student’s eureka moment may soon change the world as we know it.

Rather than constantly travelling up (or down) the house to use the toilet, 21-year-old Jake Winterson has discovered a nifty trick that has saved him countless seconds, where his water closet and his bed chamber become one.

The Whip caught up with the unregulated urinator just outside Edward Boyle to discover how he concocted the plan.

“I noticed how much of an effort it was to climb the stairs to the loo,” he responded, unzipping his flies. “But no-one has ever tried to change that system. I wanted to take the concept of ‘en-suite’ to dizzy new heights, one that students could afford.” Winterston then preceded to reveal his member and piss freely into the evening breeze.

Many have remarked the 3-fold benefits of the technique, saving time, energy and even the planet. Janet Kim of Extinction Rebellion states that, “if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down,” before letting a yellow current of piss run down her legs.

Whilst the saying ‘don’t shit where you eat’ still holds some social relevance, perhaps pissing where we sleep is just one of the little things we can do to save ourselves, and our planet a whole lot of effort.

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