Nightmare on Alma Road:
This week, second-year student Suzie Lagrange emailed The Whip, “NOT to tattle-tale, no,” but to “whistle-blow (bit more Guardian, yeah?)” on her housemate Jessica – “a totalitarian fascist” she thought she liked a month ago. Her crimes, according to Suzie, are numerous and wide-ranging.
“Someone has to speak out,” she continued. “She’s been spreading seditious, extremist guff since we moved in. Dangerous talk of ‘pulling one’s weight’ and ‘good living’. I’m furious. I explicitly wanted to live in a house liberated from senseless dogma,” Suzie went on, spitting on the floor and a bit on her shoe.
“I’ve always preferred a thin layer of filth on mine and others’ possessions, and I don’t see why my preferences ought to be trumped, here or ever. Man… I thought she was a real vibe-smith before we moved in together. We were always laughing, smiling and laughing. Talking deep into the night about how we were both keen on dogs, how we were both keen on keeping it real.
“Not so much these days. Only echoes now, mingled with pointed questions. “Are you gonna wash that up,” ringing in my ears. Shades of my mother. Fascist. I see her now and all I think is oh my god, it’s Polly-wash-up-that-bloody-Pot.”