Owens Park Tower to be named a Unesco World Heritage site

Owens Park Tower will soon join Stonehenge, the Great Wall of China and the city of Timbuktu as a globally recognised landmark of cultural significance.

The United Nations committee met on Tuesday to discuss the merits of adding the 53-year-old structure to its acclaimed list.

“It really was a no brainer”, said UN official Pierre Bourdain. “We visited the tower last month and were blown away by the remnants of a once-bustling reprobate community.

“Caveman-like markings on several walls were of particular interest – it took our most talented experts weeks to translate one inscription on the 7th floor common room that read, in English, the word ‘nonce’.”

Primitive tools were also found at the scene, one being a metallic cylindrical container resting on a pile of what seemed to be party balloons.

“We’re yet to work out what the tools were used for, but for now we can only assume they played an important role in some kind of baghead ritual.”