Trust funds are an age-old means of hoarding wealth for future generations, however, breaking with tradition, the parents of one Churchill Hall student, Thomas Wise, have decided to set up a ‘distrust’ fund, after their irresponsible and unreliable son failed to pay them back for his extravagant summer holiday.
Mr and Mrs Wise explained that the despite the fact that they do ‘really, really’ trust their son, they thought a distrust fund would be a sufficient precautionary measure to ensure they got their money back.
Quick to defend himself, Thomas told The Whip, “I’ll pay them back. I said I’d pay them back so I will definitely pay them back. I just can’t seem to get a steady flow of income at the moment. It’s important to prioritise things, and I don’t think I should be penalised just because I won’t work and spend all of my student loan on drugs and Motion tickets.”
Thomas’s flatmates were quick to chip in: “Tom? Trustworthy? No way. He’s the sort of guy who’ll steal your milk without telling you and every single New Year he promises he’s going to start going to the gym, but you can trust that he won’t ever actually go. Get it? Trust! No, but seriously, though, his spending habits are a burden on us all.”
Thomas’s despairing parents have said that if the ‘distrust’ fund doesn’t work, they may consider setting up Santander’s new ‘That Bastard Better Pay Us Back Our Money’ bank account. Regardless, it is certainly safe to say that Tom will think twice when spending his parents’ money in future.